Now the next few years after my first love, I sort of spiraled out of control. At least when it came to men. My good friend Jamie, one that I had known for nearly 10 years, had been bugging me to move to Las Vegas for some time. She had relocated with her family there about 5 years prior. She loved it and knew I would feel the same. Sam had made me realize that I needed to rediscover who I was. I couldn't be some waif of a girl. I had to be strong and independent. Funny and charming. Two steps ahead of the game. With a lot of convincing and negotiating, my parents agreed to let me go out to Las Vegas and try to finish my college career out there. Jamie was beyond excited as was I.
As we began our trip out west, I could see everything transforming before my eyes. Just like the horizon, the possibilities were endless. I got enrolled at UNLV. This new me wanted to try everything new. Went to a few sorority events. Realized that wasn't for me. Tried public speaking classes. Also not my thing. Moving away from all my family and friends made me realize how alone I really was and everything that I didn't like, was still from my old life. So I finished my classes for the semester and dropped out of college. Besides falling in love, this was the scariest thing I had done.
After a few odd jobs, I found one that I was satisfied with and began to venture out. By chance, I met a few girls that I simply adored. They were beautiful, striking women. They were smart and funny and out going. They oozed this confidence that couldn't be ignored. I was awed. I have never been overly confident, ever. As previously stated, I can easily talk to guys but I have no idea how to flirt with them. Half the time if a guy shows interest, I am genuinely surprised. These girls on the other hand, knew exactly how to flirt and have guys falling all over them. The first girl, Anna, she was a personal trainer at the gym I was working at. The second was Charity. She started after me and I trained her to work the front desk.
Anna took me to all the new clubs. It was as if we were celebrities. The bouncers always knew who we were, they never had to check ID's. They let us know if we could sit in any of the VIP booths. Guys would throw themselves at Anna and she'd just smile and act gracious and never once grant them a second look. I was amazed. I asked her how she did it and how could I do that? She laughed and shrugged. She was in love with a guy who didn't love her back and everyone else just seemed so meh that she couldn't help but feel indifferent. However, the more nonchalant she acted, the more the guys seemed to flock to her. After awhile, this just became the norm for her. It was as if she had perfected the act to an art form.
Charity was a completely different story. I am still friends with Charity to this day and I hope if she reads this, she will be understanding and not misconstrue my feelings. Charity knew she was gorgeous. She knew that all she had to do was smile at a guy and he would bend over backwards to help her out. The good ones any way. The main difference between Charity and Anna was that Charity knew what she was doing and didn't feel as if she was leading them on. She would just shrug and say 'I never said one thing to indicate that we would become an item or that we would hook up. I can't help it that they took it that way.' She seemed fearless to me but still had a lot to learn. She was younger than me and I looked at her as a role model but also like a surrogate little sister. I wanted to protect her from all the bum's out there wanting to just use her but also take her confidence and apply it to my life.
Shortly after meeting Anna and Charity, I had a falling out with Jamie. It was sad because we had been friends for such a long time but with my new found attitude I wasn't going to obsess over it either. I asked Charity if she wanted to move in with me and after that, we were as thick as thieves. I felt empowered and brazen to a certain extent. I didn't have time to be bothered with relationships and I started enquiring about how to have a thing that I recently heard about, a term everyone should be familiar with, friends with benefits.
Now at the time, this was a fairly new concept. You could have all the "benefits" of a relationship, the fun stuff, and then you could go out with a different guy later that week or hell even the next night and there weren't any kind of consequences! (for all you dummies out there, never forget, I always used protection, had birth control and made sure that I took care of myself. No one needs to get a STD or pregnant needlessly. Be responsible people). Charity seemed to like the idea as well. We were two bad ass bitches on a mission. To not get hung up on men and to have a good time while doing it. Make sure that we had our guys on a rotation so to speak. We asked two other girls to move in with us and so we got a house together. Other girls who were also tired of their men treating them badly. Then it dawned on me. We were like a mini social club. So naturally we had to have rules.
Rule #1: We would always have plenty of condoms in the house.
(We did, some of us just didn't always use them :/)
Rule #2: Never bring randoms to the house. No one is trying to be murdered.
Rule #3: While out at a club or party, if we were all out together and a roommate called dibs, said guy was off limits to the other girls.
Rule #4: No ex was welcome in the house if that girl had complained about him with in the past 2 weeks. (seriously, property damage is a real life concern. No time for emotions to run amuck.)
Rule #5: If you made friends with one of the guys that a roommate was hooking up with, under no circumstances were you to ever divulge any information regarding the girls whereabouts or who she was with, or potentially under. (again, this is a common sense thing that should just be a standard for everyone.)
Rule #6: At any point in time, if you were to develop feelings for a certain guy that a roommate had hooked up with, you had to put on your big girl panties and tell that roommate. (again, not a fan of drama, especially when it isn't necessary.)
After the rules were established, that's when the real adventures began. We lived life to the fullest. No one to answer to. No man making you feel like nothing. Hanging out with a guy, hooking up, watching a game or whatever the next day and then leaving, with out any drama or strings attached. At the time, I couldn't ask for a better situation. I didn't worry about their feelings and they didn't have to worry that I was going to constantly bug them. I was liberated. Then we started hanging out at this bar called the Firefly.
Now out of all the different bars and clubs we went to, this one was special. It was off the strip and mainly people who were from Vegas were the only ones who frequented there. Once Charity told me about this place, the inner nerd in me squeed a little. Not only for the name, all you Joss Whedon fans know the deal, but also because this place meant that I was no longer an outsider. I finally was apart of the community enough to know of this cool little place that we didn't have to worry about randoms coming up to us to try and make their weekend memorable.
Charity had met the owner of the Firefly at the gym and like every other guy she met, had him wrapped around her pinky with in a matter of minutes. He invited us out one night and said he would take care of everything. Who were we to refuse such a generous offer? That night was one of the best nights of my life. I couldn't have cared less that no guy had hit on me or that I had no prospects on the horizon. I was cool with the best friend role in my own life. Sit back and watch all the other "ants" scurry to find whatever they were looking for. No pressure what so ever. I sipped my sangria and smiled to no one. This life was the type I could get used to.
Just as I was about to text someone from the starting line up, a tall and lean individual sat at my table. He was very cute and was someone I would definitely looked twice at. However, because of my self proclaimed status, I assumed that he wasn't there for me, he was there to talk to Charity. He introduced himself. His name was Dylan. I smiled and replied with my name. Dylan was concerned because he said he never liked to see a pretty girl sitting all alone drinking. I chuckled a bit and stated that I wasn't alone, I was with my friend Charity. He grinned and stated that he knew Charity but he wasn't worried about her and thought I could use the company. As Dylan and I continued to talk, I found myself more and more interested in what he had to say. It was bizarre. For a moment, I had a flash of how I had felt when I had been with Sam. I shook my head. Nope, no way, uh uh, not gonna happen. No more love stuff. No more nonsense. Dylan asked me if I was alright. I smiled and said I had a moment of weakness. He wanted to know what about. I told him I didn't want to bother him with personal problems and we had just met. Seemed a bit rude to me.
Then he said something that would change the course of how I treated people forever. He said, well isn't that the best way to relieve your stress? To divulge your problems to a complete stranger? One who has no opinion of you whatsoever and can give you clear headed advice? I am pretty sure my mouth dropped. This was the first time I had ever encountered a man who was, A.) not trying to sleep with me, B.) not trying to sleep with my best friend and C.) was actually concerned with my well being. I must have looked really shocked because he chuckled and took a drink. Dylan stated that he didn't mind listening because he had three older sisters and they basically raised him. He understood if I didn't feel comfortable sharing all my secrets. He wasn't going to press the issue. Dylan shrugged his shoulders and said that he would always be around to listen if needed. He gave me his number and told me to call whenever I felt so inclined. It sort of felt like he was about to leave but then I realized that he just didn't want me to feel embarrassed because at that moment Charity returned, with yet another suitor, and this changed the dynamic of the table. I locked eyes with Dylan and smiled. He nodded his head and returned my smile.
The guy who had joined Charity, just so happened to be a good friend of Dylan's. His name was Brian. The guy was loud and boisterous, just the type Charity liked. I could never quite understand her selection process when it came to guys. The guys that she seemed to keep her around the most, reminded me strongly of the kind of guys I went to high school with. Guys who were completely superficial and didn't really care what kind of girl they brought home, as long as she was good looking enough to compliment them. I thought she was so amazing that it hurt me a little to see her settle for something when I knew she could do so much better. That's the thing about us women however. We beat ourselves up so much after our first heartbreak, that we tell ourselves that the reason we are alone is because of something we did. When in reality, it is probably a mutual thing. Then we end up settling because we think that this guy is as good as it is going to get and that we deserve a mediocre type of love. However, I digress...
Brian invites us over to his house to go to the hot tub. I politely decline because duh, stranger danger. Charity wants to go of course. (She had this weird thing about going to houses with pools or hot tubs. Probably because she had a killer body and loved to show it off!) Dylan states that he was planning on going and he wouldn't mind keeping me company. I start to change my mind when a gaggle of people come up to the table and say how they are almost ready to go. Brian nods and says he is going to settle up and then we can all caravan to his house. As soon as they appeared, they left and Charity has this mega watt smile. She wants to go so bad and is just vibrating with excitement. I have absolutely no desire to go to a house party at this time of night with this many people I don't know. I did drive us however and if I said no, I knew Charity would be highly upset. Just as I was going to concede yet again, our roommate Shelby arrived. Thank the lords above. I was saved. Shelby was a party girl. She loved to stay out late and get wild. That's why she and Charity got along so well. Charity explained the situation and Shelby was immediately down. I looked at Charity and told her that I was probably going to head home. She instantly looked like I had kicked her puppy. I told her not to give me that face and that there were going to be plenty of other parties for me to go to and get over it. I smiled at her when she stuck out her tongue. As we started to leave, Dylan tugged on a strand of my hair. He said he was glad to have met me and that he too was a little disappointed that I wouldn't be coming out. I laughed and told him that even if I wasn't there, I was sure he would be entertained. He looked thoughtfully on that before responding with, just because you are entertained, doesn't mean there isn't better entertainment out there. He gave me a hug and told me to call or text whenever. I stood there for a minute after he left. It was so weird to have a guy treat me like that. I went home feeling a little better about myself.
The next morning I got to hear all about the amazing night that Shelby and Charity had. They both stated I would've had a blast. I told them I just hadn't been in the mood to handle a bunch of people I didn't know. Charity grabbed my hand and said that I needed to come out with them tonight. Brian wanted us to come to some new club opening and had VIP tickets. My thoughts briefly flashed to Dylan. I smiled to myself. Charity poked me hard bringing me back to reality. She asked if I had just heard what she said. I gave her a blank stare and apologetic half smile. She sighed. Last night there was a guy that she thought was really cute and that she thought I would like. I nodded along with her and listened. I didn't hear her mention Dylan's name so I tried to casually bring it up. When Shelby heard me say his name, she tried to interject her opinion. She told me if I was referring to the guy at our table last night, to not waste my time. I was taken aback. Why not? Then I groaned internally. Shelby had hooked up with him and now I wasn't going to be able to pursue that avenue. She stared at the TV and told me he was gay. GAY!? What the what?? I asked how she knew this. Shelby stated she had pretty good gay-dar and that any man who dresses that nice and shows no interest in hitting on her was clearly gay.
Charity nodded her head. She said he never once tried to come on to either of them and had an excellent wardrobe. He even gave her fashion advice and hair care tips. (I had never really been around gay people and my young age and lack of encounters left me with this shallow view on the world. Straight guys can like fashion and don't have to make you feel like you are some piece of meat. There are decent men in the world.) Being young and naïve, this logic made sense to me. No wonder I felt at ease. He didn't expect anything from me because he wasn't trying to get anything from me. I sent him a text and he replied back almost immediately. He asked if I was going to the club opening tonight. I told him I was thinking about it but wasn't sure what to wear. He asked if I had a black dress. I sent back a reply of what woman doesn't own a little black dress?? Dylan said to pair it with colored heels and I would be perfect. I thanked him for that tip and proceeded to plan out the rest of my night.
That night was a blast. Drinking and dancing. More drinking, more dancing. While Shelby and Charity were slaying hearts left and right, I clung to my new friend Dylan. It was strange how much we had in common and how much fun we had together. He told me that he had felt a connection between us and that we were supposed to be in each other's lives for a reason. I felt the same. Dylan had been brought to me to help me restore my faith in the opposite sex. Even if he was gay, he always made me feel special and that I was the only one in the room. That I shouldn't feel like I had to settle.
After the girls were worn out from the dance party, Dylan asked if we wanted to have a night cap at the Firefly. I was ready but the other girls seemed like they were ready to call it an early night. Shelby had drove us and so I wasn't in a position to ask her to stay out. Dylan said that he would be more than happy to take me back home after. Charity over heard this and said she didn't want me to be alone so she'd come too. Brian said he wouldn't mind the night cap so we all went with Dylan while Shelby made her way back to the house. When we got there, Brian and Charity saw several people they knew and said they were going to make the rounds. That left Dylan and myself all alone yet again. He ordered us a pitcher of sangria and seemed to be troubled about something. I asked if he was bothered by something. He smiled wistfully and said that he would have rather had a night with just the two of us but that he can't really tell my best friend to scram or his roommate to take a hike. I giggled. I told him I knew what he meant. Charity could be a handful to those she didn't know really well and Brian, he seemed like a douche but I thought that his intentions meant well. Dylan laughed. He liked that I was so blunt about certain things but reserved about others. I asked what he meant by that. He liked that I could read people well and see them for who they really were but that I wanted to keep my private life private. I was tight lipped so to speak regarding my own personal problems. I shrugged. I stated that everyone has their own baggage and that there's no need to stress anyone out with my drama. In regards to calling people out and reading people, I wouldn't say anything behind someone's back that I wouldn't say to their face. Dylan got a wicked gleam in his eye and smiled widely. He told me that my time to put up or shut up was approaching. As I started to ask what he meant, Brian sat down. I flushed instantly. Brian asked what we were talking about. Dylan took a sip of Sangria and said that I had just got done describing him perfectly. Brian looked directly at me and grinned wolfishly. He began doing that annoying thing people do when they want to know what you said. They nudge your elbow and say something to the effect of 'what you say' or 'tell me, tell me, tell me'. Dylan's eyes were smiling over his glass. I glared at him. Fine, if he wanted to know what I was made of I'd show him. He wasn't going to get out of this unscathed though.
I turned back to Brian and smiled politely. I told him how Dylan had mentioned that he wished that neither of our roommates were here because he was wanting some quiet time. When Brian got a puzzled look on his face I continued with the story. I said I knew what Dylan meant because Charity can be a little intense at times and while I didn't know Brian very well, he seemed like a douche but that he meant well. Dylan choked on his drink. Brian looked stunned and then did something that I wouldn't have expected. He started laughing. He slid back in his chair and laughed so loud that other tables turned and stared. My eyes went wide. Then Dylan started laughing too. Brian couldn't believe how straight forward I was. I told him I didn't really see the point of not being able to say things that you meant. Brian smiled and said to Dylan 'I like this girl, we should keep her around.' Dylan winked at me and said 'I couldn't agree more.' I felt all warm. Two men in the world that I could be completely myself around and neither of them wanted me for sex. On the drive home that night, I felt happier than I could ever remember. This new found attitude was starting to pay off. Things were definitely starting to go my way.
